1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
