Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
