When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
