I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
