So drunk, too bad you don't want this
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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