we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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