Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
