can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
