how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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