Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Randomize
