is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
