Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I only lived at night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
