I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
