Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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