I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
