It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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