Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
