I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
