as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
