So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
