Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
