he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
