mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize