Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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