my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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