if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
