Barsexuality is the new black.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
