No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
