if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
