hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
