My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
