I'm going to jail i love you
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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