My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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