If i come over, it means nothing
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
