you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
