... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
