I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
