i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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