i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize