69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
