And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
