i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
