Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
