Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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