Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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