there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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