he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
