You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i've created a new STD.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
