Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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