Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
