It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
