i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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