Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sober January is a disaster.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
