wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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