Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
