dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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