saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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