I can text with my tongue
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
