I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
