I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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