Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
