On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wanna go halves on a baby?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
