You're a womanizer and a bitch.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
