just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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