And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
